im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
