Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
