I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
