i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
