Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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