yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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