I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
