I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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