No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
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