My sheets look like a crime scene.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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