i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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