so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
