Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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