two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
