i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
