so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
