return my video game
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
