You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
