well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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