if i can run in heels then i can drive
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
