How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
