i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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