dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You may now shotgun with the bride
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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