I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
