3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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