hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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