I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
