She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
