when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
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Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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