I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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