Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
