i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
