Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
