Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
