It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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