Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
