meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
