Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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