OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
