You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
