i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
