I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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