I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
