I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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