Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
