Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?