i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
