Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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