I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
