He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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