a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
