It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
