Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
