So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
