dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
