Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
