I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
