I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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