I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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