The maid of honor just puked.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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