theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
