is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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