hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
